"As I Lay Crying"

Wow. Today sucked (I am getting worried, this is starting to become a trend...actually, this is always how my public posts become, no se porque). I haven't felt like this since I lost the presidential election in third grade because the opposition was two years older and paid off the kindergartners with candy.

Today was my day of reckoning. I left work (my SHARED office), drove 20 minutes, just to walk into my future and kiss it goodbye. aka - I drove to the Aveda Institute and had a real talk session with the admissions counselor. Of course, I had already had this convo with my sisters, and was pretty set on rescheduling my start date to January, but the lady was so willing to work with me. I got the monthly payments lowered by half, and I managed to invent a payment plan to handle the kit fee, however the woman told me I should enjoy my time and not be stressed out over money. She was so nice. We changed my start date and she gave me her cell number in case something came up (or I fell on a money tree). I have to be responsible - and honestly it is super hard to do when I am so used to acting impulsively on things I want (probably why I am in the situation I am in now). I absolutely cannot afford more school at this present moment (unless someone wants to give me a scholarship). I actually need to enroll into financial management college because the only strategy I am currently using is the ignore it and maybe it will disappear method (and I am devastated to admit it, because, at one point, I was one of the most fiscally responsible people ever - but the first step in conquering any problem is to admit it.)

I feel like going back to any school at this point, but I think that is a flee mechanism. So instead, I am trying to pray and look for real jobs, and I am not happy about it. I just have no idea what job it will be - I mean, I have some major standards (especially after accepting another internship when I have a Master's degree, shit). At the moment, I am thinking college recruiter or market analyst for a sales division (a good use of my skill set, and something I would enjoy).

Sidebar: I hate when people say "God" and then follow it up with "or who ever you believe in". Eff that. Eff P.C.ness. God is right, don't be apologetic and accommodating. I need to go overseas for awhile where people keep it real. End Sidebar.

So Harvard is starting a practical doctorate in Educational Leadership for people who want to transform the educational system, and I want in. The inaugural class will be inducted Fall 2010, and they are paying everything including a stipend to all the students. I would love to be in on that, however, I do not believe I have the experience they are looking for...oh well, it's worth a try.

As of now, though, I am thinking about taking finance classes at the local JuCo. I want my associate's in finance so I can work as a financial counselor (first for myself) but then for others. I am just frustrated, because the education I have ascertained so far isn't really technical. It is more conceptual and fuzzy, so I can't really teach it to people yet.

It feels so good to help people. I am friends with one of the maintenance ladies, who come in to clean after the workday is over. I have helped her out before, but yesterday, I filled out an online application for her husband because they don't have a computer at home and there is a language barrier on some of the questions since they just moved here from Vietnam. The greatest part...we ordered her some shoes online afterwards. They were really cute.

Had a great idea at work. I am going to start a colored professional dating service for the 3% of us in Iowa - at least in the central part. I think it is going to be a mix of PlayDate and Millionaire Matchmaker.

Okay, I have to head to bed, since I have to be at a conference at 6:45am tomorrow. :-| It better be good. Sidenote - I am going to get there extra early for good parking, and so I can hopefully finish reading Candide.